My Pass is Surely About to Expire

I know better. I should not search the internet about breast cancer late in the evening hours. I really hate when I do this because I always find some new devastating news that leaves me feeling a bit hopeless.

A few weeks ago it was the announcement that David Servan-Schreiber had passed away. You probably don’t know who this man is and neither did I until I found his book called Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life shortly after being diagnosed. David Servan-Schreiber had battled brain cancer for over twenty years. His book shed light on the idea that we all have cancer cells living inside our bodies but not all of us develop cancer. He was a huge proponent of blending traditional and alternative health care and wrote about diet and how what we eat can create and combat disease. He died in July from metastatic brain cancer.

And tonight, I was putting together a bucket list that will soon be posted here on the blog. I Googled Ann Murray Paige for the correct spelling of this film maker’s name as someday I would love to meet her. She produced a genuine narrative about breast cancer and its treatment that I accidentally stumbled upon literally days after my diagnosis. After watching the documentary, I remember collapsing into a heap of pillows on the couch as sobbed in fear of what my future held. I can still feel that fear in the pit of my stomach tonight. I read after seven years of being cancer-free, she was diagnosed last fall with metastatic breast cancer. The cancer is back but in her lungs.

News like this leaves me feeling hopeless because here are two exceptional people who have battled cancer and have tried in their own separate ways to raise awareness and/or teach others how to eradicate this ugly disease and they aren’t even given a pass. I mean, shouldn’t the universe or God or at least Karma, should have said “Hey, you’ve done good. We’ll let you live.”

And then there’s me. Almost three years out from my diagnosis. I haven’t done jack in comparison to David Servan-Schreiber or Ann Murray Paige. I don’t really take care of myself any better than before I was diagnosed, I could eat way more healthfully, and I could exercise a whole hell of a lot more. Why should I continue to get a pass?

My gut tells me I won’t for long.

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