Does she really even like you? Megan from MamaBub shares her experience with female friendships and vows to let go. Oh goodness, this post really speaks to me. Leave a comment if you can relate.
I’m about to admit something that’s going to make me sound less than awesome, and I don’t think there’s any nicer way to say it. In friendships, I generally assume that I’m more invested than the other person. There are exceptions to this rule, sure. I have good friends, and I have great friends, but the path to friendship is full of self doubt.
When I was younger, much younger, I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait to be married because then I could stop living in fear that my boyfriend of the moment would spontaneously break up with me. Also, marriage seemed like a fairly good indicator of mutual love and respect. (Let’s just let that gigantic oversimplification lie for now.) There’s no such level of commitment for friendships though. There’s nothing that permanently binds us to a friend in such a way that walking away would be, at the very least, pretty inconvenient.
You would think that this level of doubt would make me an awesome friend, since I’m always trying to win someone over. What happens in reality is that I hold back. I’m rarely the one to make the first move, so to speak, because what if they laugh at my forwardness? What if we grab coffee, or get together with our kids and they’re just being friendly? How do I know which friends are the kinds I can do school and kid things with, and which friends are the kinds who will want to grab dinner with my husband and me?
Do you think like this, or am I completely insane?
Of course that’s totally unfair to any potential friends. It is an utter miracle that I have any friends at all with this attitude, and yet there are so many great women in my life. (What if they’re all just pretending?)
Do you see how this could be a problem?
The interesting thing about female friendships is that this method of keeping myself at arm’s length isn’t doing anything to strengthen my friendships, and it certainly doesn’t make me the sort of person people want to be friends with. Moving forward I’m going to let go, even just a little bit, of those insecurities. They won’t go away, but I could certainly stand to be a better friend.